So, I haven't written in a while. And I haven't read a book in a while. And I haven't listened to a new piece of music in a while. Do you want to know what I've been up to? I was on Facebook the whole time. The stuff I read were people I barely know's post on other people I don't know's walls, and the comments that kept on going and going. I only watched videos that were shared more than once, or maybe the ones that the people I liked had shared, same with music. I laughed at 9gag and ژانر 's jokes. If something wasn't funny, or just didn't make sense in the first few seconds, I would just move to the next picture or post.
I'm sick of it. I feel like I come home every night to enter a world with blue borders, which I am an invisible member of, sometimes making a sound and watching everyone closely. The first thing I do after I wake up, come home, or somehow find access to internet every day is checking Facebook.
Right now I'm just mad at myself and sick and tired. Too tired to really understand and explain why Facebook is extracting the life out of me.
Well, anyway, I want to do a mission of de-facebookation.
Just so you know, I've tried to quit Facebook multiple times before. First with de-activation; when that didn't work (too extreme) I set time limits and counted the number of times I checked Facebook each day. None of them worked. So I gave up and decided that as long as I'm living in Norh America Facebook is incurable unless a shooting star landed on my head and changed my mentality in a way that I would be too good for wasting hours of my life stalking others on Internet.
But this time, I didn't start to think about quitting because of Facebook itself, but because I'm losing one of the most important things I ever had: my passion to read. I'm trying not to make it dramatic, and it's not, but it is crucial in my life.
I remember in summer of 2009 I made myself read Crime and Punishment from cover to cover. I barely remember anything from it now, and I didn't exactly enjoy it, but I remember when I was returning it to my father's shelves he said with a -my little daughter is so cute with a big book in her hands- smile: "It made you tired, huh?" and I almost bit my lips not to smile victoriously: "I read it."and I left the room. After that book, no book, well at least no Farsi book had scared me. After that, I started to read good novels and gained back my identity as a reader which I had lost in the years of puberty.
In case you hate me right now, I should say yes, I said it and I meant it: It is all about the identity or if I want to really be hard on myself, showing off with the books I have read. What am I without my books? I'm not a reader, and that's all I want to be. I want to introduce myself with the books I've read. This sounds disgusting(I didn't go in depth on how crappy it is, I leave that to your imagination: go for it, it's exactly that bad) but I have two reasons for wanting it.
First, it can't be worse than this situation. I believe this is as bad as my life could get, right? Running to my laptop all the time, and feeling relieved after opening Facebook. Let's not get into how bad this is, cause I failed in explaining it earlier in this post. But although my perspective of reading might sound superficial and shitty to you, it is an incredible change for the better in my current lifestyle.
Second, somewhere down there, I mean behind the Facebook crap that had grown on me, I believe that the light will eventually come if I start to read. That's all I can say for my second reason.
Now I can tell you that my mission is to start reading books and writing about them here. I don't know what I'll be reading yet, but I will figure it out once I start.
P.S.1
I will be writing in English. I am not as comfortable as I want to be with this language and I don't like what I write. So please excuse my awkward sentences, grammatical mistakes and limited vocabulary. Reading and writing in this blog is going to enhance my poor English. And my poor English is not limited to making grammatical mistakes, it's more like I feel stupid, cheesy and unable to think while living in this language(I don't know if one could feel cheesy, but I do). Ok, now I will calm down and postpone my nagging to future posts.
P.S.2
I feel sick of how Facebook-influenced this post is.
P.S.3
I'm glad I started. :)
