آی آدم ها، دور شین. ترکیدم.
گردآوری
Friday, 24 May 2013
Sunday, 20 January 2013
و در ادامه، او نفهمید که تو فقط می خواهی حرف بزنی حتی دنبال راه حل نیستی. فقط می خواهی کسی بداند هر روز به چی فکر می کنی و باز هم حق می دهم بهش برای نفهمیدن. چون که وقتی حرف هایم شره می کنند، زمانی نیست برای صیقل دادنشان، درست بیان کردنشان. وقت نمی شود به موقع اشک بریزم و سکوت کنم و صدایم را بالا و پایین ببرم. فقط کلمات از دهانم سرازیر می شوند و او نمی بیند که از دورترین نقطه ی دلم می آیند. او فکر می کند این ها را برای خالی نبودن عریضه می گویم.
That moment, that for probably the first time in your life you remove the filter between your thoughts and mouth while being completely sober, and you start relating your thoughts one after another, without having to explain them. She calls you weird. You sit down and continue like she hasn't said it because it's too late to stop talking. And then she says, please stop, I don't wanna listen to this, I don't want to talk about death, it's too touchy.
She acts as if this is not you talking after two years, she seems to not know that she is the only person you ever gave up your masks for without the help of alcohol, and tells you to finish your essay.
You say, but it's not about death it's about me. I thought you were fine with me talking about myself.
She pauses and says okay fine, we should talk about death because we never do.
I get up and leave and she is relieved. She doesn't see how new this is for me, how I will crawl back to my room and never speak again after she cuts me off. Well, I can't blame her.
On what I want to do with my life, and what I want to be doing right now, this is the most accurate explanation I can give:
“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.”
The Catcher in The Rye, J. D. Salinger
“Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.”
The Catcher in The Rye, J. D. Salinger
Monday, 14 January 2013
گوگل ریدر
از وقتی ریدردار شدم ، طبیعتن به وبلاگ ها و سایت ها سر نمی زنم و متن هایشان را(به غیر از شعر ها که ساختارش به هم می ریزد) در محیط ریدر می خوانم. همه متن ها سیاه و سفیدند، با یک فونت یکدست و با بند و بساط گوگل احاطه شده اند. اما متن خواندن در آن محیط های زرد و نارنجی و صورتی کمرنگ و آبی با عکس و گوشه نوشته های نویسنده گیراتر بود، انگار حتی دامنه ی متن بیشتر بود و بیشتر در آدم رسوخ می کرد.
Saturday, 5 January 2013
Friday, 2 November 2012
غم
امروز صبح یکهو به سرم زد که بروم دکتر. دیدم از صبح که بیدار شدم غمگینم بدون هیچ دلیلی، و بعد فکر کردم که من هیچ وقت نبود که واقعن غمگین نباشم. شاید یک روز، دو روز این جا و آن جا، اما همیشه غم داشتم و از خودم بدم می آمده.
دلم می خواهد این طوری فکر کنم که این حالت طبیعی آدم ها نیست و یک هورمون من کمی جا به جا شده که با یک قرص می آید سر جایش و غمم تمام می شود.
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